This time last year..

This time last year Steve and I were getting ready for our 12 week scan the next day; we were both so nervous.

The time between our positive pregnancy test and our scan felt like a lifetime, 8 weeks in fact. I felt such different emotions throughout those 8 weeks, mostly sickness but fear, excitement and anxiety too. The days leading up to the scan were just terrifying. I started to doubt my pregnancy, doubt all those positive tests and was so worried that we would get to the scan and something would be wrong.

We had decided to tell our immediate family about our pregnancy before the scan bar my brother. All of our family apart from our parents and my brother do not live close by and we wanted to tell them our news face to face. So in the weeks leading to the scan we went visiting to tell them all our news. My brother was the only person who didn’t know before the scan and we had decided to go and tell him straight after. Telling people before we had actually seen our little cub ourselves was very scary. In the back of my mind every person we told was another person we would have to tell if something was wrong. Looking back on it now I only let myself feel so much excitement as if it was to protect myself in case there was something wrong.

That night I did not sleep a wink. I kept tossing and turning with anxiety and worry. I knew there was nothing I could have done if something was wrong but it was more that I just didn’t want to know and leave this bubble of excitement. The morning of the scan seemed to drag. Our appointment was at 9am and I was quite pleased we didn’t have to wait the whole day but it felt like a whole day had passed when we were waiting for 9am to roll around.

A lot of my scan was a blur.. I remember going into the room and answering some questions about dates of my last period etc and then she got me onto the bed. At the time of the scan I was 12+6 weeks so she was the size of plum.

There are two things that I remember very clearly about the scan itself:

  • They use a lot of Ultrasound gel – it felt like a whole tube!
  • The gel was very cold – or I was very hot from getting all anxious in the waiting room.

For the first couple of minutes the sonographer was trying to find Amelia. Time stood still and I swear I stopped breathing in those minutes we waited for her to say something. I remember holding Steve’s hand and focusing on this small dot on the ceiling feeling like we had been in silence for 5 minutes when actually in reality it must have only been a minute maximum. It was such a relief when she finally showed us our baby on the screen. It is a feeling I will never forget. There was something in there…. I wasn’t imagining it… Our little bear cub was growing in there. I couldn’t get too excited until I had heard a heartbeat. It was like the final check for me. When the Sonographer uttered the words “there’s a strong heartbeat” I broke down in tears and then when she played us the heartbeat I was a mess. We had decided to go through the screening process offered at the 12 week scan and we were told that Amelia fell into the low risk category for all. I just sat there in tears, tears of joy and happiness. I could have sat in there for hours just watching our little bear cub rolling around, doing little somersaults on the screen and listening to her heartbeat.

I left the scan room in a bit of a dream world clutching my lovely photo of beautiful baby. I couldn’t put together that the baby in this photo was inside of me. That little wriggling, rolling baby was moving around like that doing little somersaults and I couldn’t feel a thing. Once we were out of the hospital we called our parents to let them know that everything was okay and then it was all about counting down the hours until my brother came home from work to tell him our news. Now don’t get me wrong telling all our friends and family was just the best but telling my brother about our little cub was by far my favourite.

I am sitting here tonight counting my lucky stars for everything that has happened over the last year. It is so crazy to think that this time a year ago the little cub that is asleep in her crib next door was in my belly, my washing basket was not full of clothes covered in baby sick and my fridge wasn’t full of expressed breast milk.

From the moment I first saw you on the screen my little Amelia you stole my heart.

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